I never really liked to drink alone. Never really poured my selve a glass of wine and just relaxed.
I tend to be the type of person to over think everything. Have I said to much? Am I a good mum? Did I make the right choice? Is he happy to be around me? I eventually come around and give my selve a good slap in the face. And this is where my fear of drinking alone comes from. If I over react and over think sober can you imagine what I would be like with a drink in my head with no distractions?
With people around I enjoy my glass of wine. I am chatty and cheerful. Alas what will happen to me if I just let go and pour my selve that glass? I have come to realize that this has also been my self sabotage.I recently had an interview where I blurted out what i thought they wanted to hear rather then let the answers come naturally. Everyone thought I was a shoe in for the job. But unfortunately I was unsuccessful. Being given feedback I was told I “need to learn to blow my own trumpets”. Thing is the trumpets are always blowing. They are just out of tune.
I know that I need to change my outlook and retune that trumpet. So starting from now. I’m going to have my glass of wine. Maybe it won’t be that bad after all. I might even enjoy my own company.
I hate sleeping. Let me rephrase that. I like my few hours of needed rest every night. But I hate over sleeping. Or should I say, oversleepers.
Why on earth would you want to waste a beautiful sunny day asleep?! Even when I have nothing to do. I find something to do. Or at least go outside and sleep in the sun. I understand you work till late and you need to sleep however if you come home at 1 or 2 pm and stay awake till about 5 or 6 just because you want to watch some tv that’s just plain annoying. Could you not have slept at night and watched tv during the day?
Ok.. You might be asking where this is coming from? I’m trying really hard not to nag and complain. But it seems like he keeps doing all the things I hate just to see how long it takes for me to erupt.
Well not this time. I am taking the high road and keeping silent. If you do not want to come and visit a friend. Fine. If you do not want to sleep at night and then end up sleeping in the day. Fine. You want to go out with your friends. Fine. Eventually you will realise I am annoyed at you and by then you will also have to figure out how to fix it.
My motto in life has always been ‘live and let live’ and up until recently however I have come to a point where I might need to change this.
A friend of such had come to me with a problem, she had strong feelings for a man who was married with 3 children. My 1st reaction wasn’t at all what she expected. She wanted me to ask her for more details instead I just told her to walk away and never look back.
She didn’t take my advice but pretty much did the exact opposite. This man bought her gifts and told her all that she wanted to hear. I told her that she will never be more then his thing on the side but still the rondevous only increased. I remember she once came over and showed me her new watch. I complemented it and she told he that he also bought one for his wife. I almost choaked on my wine.
I kept telling her this has to stop. She then told me that she was going to ask him to leave his wife. I think this was my breaking point. I had already voiced my opinion but I wanted to be friend at the same time.
I asked her how could she do this to another woman? What if that woman was me? What if he was trying to sort out his marriage but is obviously distracted by a hot twenty something. Why would she even want all this hassle? 3 kids?.. She wasn’t listening…
However I don’t know the ending to this story.. Because I couldn’t bare to talk to her anymore. I stopped answering her texts. Stopped calling. I couldn’t be by her side to support her decision, whatever it might have been. Too much damage was already done. At one point I even started to become paranoid over my own relationship. If this man was buying presents for his wife and for another woman at the same time, who’s to say my man wouldn’t do the same? She made me loose faith. In men, in women, in marriage. It really effected me. I did not want this in my life.
So how could I have a motto ‘live and let live’? ‘To each his own’? I had to basically delete a person from my life because I couldn’t live and let live anymore..
Ok.. so whether you admit it or not.. We all have them.
I seem to be haunted by my most recent one. It feels like its been a while since I’ve had sex. Then I stopped to think about it and I realised it HAS been a while!
Now I’m not talking about lying there sex as I do get that on a regular basis.. But I’m talking about mind blowing OMG type of sex. I recall a time where my man and I could almost be considered rabbits rather then humans. Even after we had a child we still had those crazy moments. Less frequent mind you but they where still mind blowing. As of late however these crazy nights have dipped down to almost none. It’s soo easy to just let things slide. Life is so hectic. But if I’m starting to enjoy my dreams more then my real sex life and I think it’s time to sound the alarm bells.
I believe it’s very easy for both men and women to become complacent. Desire tends to be linked to the new and unexpected rather then to the old and boring. But what makes you most attracted to your man or your man most attracted to you? I think when you catch your partner in their element. When they are their most confident. That is when your partner is truley sexy. I think it’s a matter of being able to grasp that moment and take advantage of it that’s the problem. I wish that it was as easy as stopping whatever it is that I’m doing and ripping his cloths of there and then. But sadly, like everything in life, one has to make an effort even when it comes to sex. So I’m going to use those dreams as an example.
I’m tired of being the one to wait for things to happen. My girlfriends advice was to take him by surprise, be open and confident, I’m ready to take over and make my my real sex life sexy again.
Sometimes I just want to run and hide from the world. I hate drama in general however it seems to follow me around. I’m sure we all feel that way. But I guess some days feel worse then others.
We have all done things we regret in life but I think the argument with the mother-in-law is one of the all time nightmares for either spouse. Till today I regret the argument. Mind you I wasn’t entirely wrong all together, the argument was something about him being my husband 1st and her son 2nd (according to her) and the other way around (according to me). However it was not the content of the argument which I regret but the way I handled my selve. The phrase keep calm had defiantly flown out the window that day, and because of that I now have to relive that miserable day every time my husband and I get into an argument ourselves.
Now please note the mother-in-law and I are way over it. You could even say it made us much closer, understand each other better and where we both are coming from, but unfortunately it has given my dear husband the bragging rights of never having such an argument with my side of the family. So now I have to bare it every time he brings it up and I’m just Annoyed that he keeps mentioning it.
I really wish he would build a bridge and come join his mother and I on the other side!
I’m sure he will eventually but what do I do in the meantime? Should I stick to my plan of action and keep quite? Or should I tell him that the building material is now available and the bridge needs to be built ASAP?
I guess time will tell.. Watch this space
I find my self looking forward to getting into work this Monday. Not because I enjoy work per say, but because I needed to get out of the house. I felt like I was going crazy. What was I doing to impact his mood this much? Was it something I said? Or did?
Sunday night he was in a lousy mood but I couldn’t be sure why. I know that he is stressed with work and that he is anxious about his new business, but did I do something to make things worse? I went to bed that night with a million thoughts in my head, and woke up the next day feeling like I barely slept. After preparing breakfast and getting our child ready for school I had to wake him up so that he could do the school run. He mumbled under his breath all the way to the school and almost killed us with his driving on route to my office. He said something about being a taxi driver and also mentioned ghastly hours in the morning.. I know he isn’t exactly what we call a morning person but he needed to keep the car to run his errands so he had to be the one to do the driving today.
What can I say? I was sure glad to be in the office.. And after explaining my feelings to the girls at work I have come to the conclusion that all men seem to go through their “time of the month”. One of the girls advised me to let him be. Let him dee stress and try not to argue with him. Keeping my mouth shut is not exactly my forte but I need to try. None of my other attempts to lighten the mood have worked. I have also been advised that pestering him to tell me what’s wrong will only shut him down even more, just like an overloaded computer, pressing a lot of buttons at one go will only make it worse and might cause your computer to freeze. When he is ready to talk he will, and when that time arrives I need to remember to sit back and listen, rather then to try and solve his problems for him. Men and their precious pride.. When things don’t go their way it must be us women who keep the calm and gently remind them not to give up.
Supporting someone doesn’t necessary mean needing to say something, it could also mean being the calm in the background, giving the space for that person to sort out his own thoughts, not over reacting like I started to do, but understanding that it’s not always something you’ve done but the stresses of life which at the end of the day we tend to take out on each other.