I never really liked to drink alone. Never really poured my selve a glass of wine and just relaxed.
I tend to be the type of person to over think everything. Have I said to much? Am I a good mum? Did I make the right choice? Is he happy to be around me? I eventually come around and give my selve a good slap in the face. And this is where my fear of drinking alone comes from. If I over react and over think sober can you imagine what I would be like with a drink in my head with no distractions?
With people around I enjoy my glass of wine. I am chatty and cheerful. Alas what will happen to me if I just let go and pour my selve that glass? I have come to realize that this has also been my self sabotage.I recently had an interview where I blurted out what i thought they wanted to hear rather then let the answers come naturally. Everyone thought I was a shoe in for the job. But unfortunately I was unsuccessful. Being given feedback I was told I “need to learn to blow my own trumpets”. Thing is the trumpets are always blowing. They are just out of tune.
I know that I need to change my outlook and retune that trumpet. So starting from now. I’m going to have my glass of wine. Maybe it won’t be that bad after all. I might even enjoy my own company.
My motto in life has always been ‘live and let live’ and up until recently however I have come to a point where I might need to change this.
A friend of such had come to me with a problem, she had strong feelings for a man who was married with 3 children. My 1st reaction wasn’t at all what she expected. She wanted me to ask her for more details instead I just told her to walk away and never look back.
She didn’t take my advice but pretty much did the exact opposite. This man bought her gifts and told her all that she wanted to hear. I told her that she will never be more then his thing on the side but still the rondevous only increased. I remember she once came over and showed me her new watch. I complemented it and she told he that he also bought one for his wife. I almost choaked on my wine.
I kept telling her this has to stop. She then told me that she was going to ask him to leave his wife. I think this was my breaking point. I had already voiced my opinion but I wanted to be friend at the same time.
I asked her how could she do this to another woman? What if that woman was me? What if he was trying to sort out his marriage but is obviously distracted by a hot twenty something. Why would she even want all this hassle? 3 kids?.. She wasn’t listening…
However I don’t know the ending to this story.. Because I couldn’t bare to talk to her anymore. I stopped answering her texts. Stopped calling. I couldn’t be by her side to support her decision, whatever it might have been. Too much damage was already done. At one point I even started to become paranoid over my own relationship. If this man was buying presents for his wife and for another woman at the same time, who’s to say my man wouldn’t do the same? She made me loose faith. In men, in women, in marriage. It really effected me. I did not want this in my life.
So how could I have a motto ‘live and let live’? ‘To each his own’? I had to basically delete a person from my life because I couldn’t live and let live anymore..
Why do We try and sneak into his Facebook account? Why don’t We trust him? I think the real issues are not “what are they up to?” But rather “why do we think they are up to something?”
Lets face it.. We all know someone who has been cheated on, or lied to, or stabbed in the back right? But should all these horror stories really affect us that much that we find ourselves trying to figure out their passwords and become qualified stalkers/hackers?
The answer should be NO. I would like to think that we have enough confidence to trust that they will come back to us, that we are worth it. Sadly, this is not always the case.. I for one am guilty as charged for being overly paranoid.
And you know what the worst thing about it is? They aren’t going to leave us because they where up to something or because they found someone else.. They are going to leave us because we are overbearing bordering crazy. There is a fine line between jealousy and paranoia and we must remember not to cross this line..
At the end of the day he is with you because he wants to be. Not because he has to be. Let him have his time without you. It will make the time you spend together all the better.