Let loose

I never really liked to drink alone. Never really poured my selve a glass of wine and just relaxed.

I tend to be the type of person to over think everything. Have I said to much? Am I a good mum? Did I make the right choice? Is he happy to be around me? I eventually come around and give my selve a good slap in the face. And this is where my fear of drinking alone comes from. If I over react and over think sober can you imagine what I would be like with a drink in my head with no distractions?

With people around I enjoy my glass of wine. I am chatty and cheerful. Alas what will happen to me if I just let go and pour my selve that glass? I have come to realize that this has also been my self sabotage.I recently had an interview where I blurted out what i thought they wanted to hear rather then let the answers come naturally. Everyone thought I was a shoe in for the job. But unfortunately I was unsuccessful. Being given feedback I was told I “need to learn to blow my own trumpets”. Thing is the trumpets are always blowing. They are just out of tune.

I know that I need to change my outlook and retune that trumpet. So starting from now. I’m going to have my glass of wine. Maybe it won’t be that bad after all. I might even enjoy my own company.

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Time to grow up

For as long as I can remember I have been told I’m very mature for my age. I’m going back at least ten years now and yes Sometimes I do feel like I’m much older then I am.

This is mainly because of a lot of responsibilities I have had to shoulder both as a teenager and now in my twenties. Some of this was just trusted on to me without me having much of a say in the matter. My brother for example is one if them. Others however I have brought upon my selve through the choices I have made throughout my short life. Do I regret these choices? No. But I would be lying if I said I never thought about how my life would be if I had taken a different path.

However even though I am told I’m so mature for my age I realize that in so many aspects I still yet have to grow up. Although I have taken on adulthood readily and kept up with all these responsibilities I have on my shoulders I know that a lot of the issues I find my selve facing especially in my relationships is because of the level of my insecurities which I feel only time may be so kind as to teach me otherwise.

No matter how mature you might be or old old your soul may be only time may grant you to gift of confidence, unless of course, you are born with it.image